So LONG!!

Hello Blog Reader!

I cannot believe that it has been two months since I've blogged. I've gone back on my word and not blogged at least 2x/week. But I swear that I will do better.

Let's see. What to talk about? Well, my birthday was Thursday the 19th (Juneteenth, look it up people!). What did I get, you might ask? Well, my mom got into a car accident---in my car. So I've been dealing with insurance adjusters for two days and my rear quarter panel looks like an accordion. This is funny. At this very moment, it's covered with plastic because I think that it's going to rain and my trunk won't close. So, yeah. That's very ghetto. Happy Birthday to me. It was the 2-9, btw.

What else has happened? I went to Costa Rica for 10 days. I LOVED IT!!! I want to move there. Live there. I was almost impregnated by Jesus (Hey Zeus). Not really, but not for lack of trying on his behalf. But poolside sex when I'm on a trip surrounded by Mormons is sure to send someone to hell. I had so much fun. I sag Karaoke. Badly. Mostly because I had laryngitis and my voice was for shit. But it was fun.

I'm now enjoying a 10 week vacation. I work in a school so I'm off for the summer. I'm trying to do more writing. It's hard because I'm a natural procrastinator and I'm lazy as shit.

That's it for now. More later.

Pieces of me

So the other day, my mother and I were in the car. And because I control the radio when I'm in the car and because I'm Black, I was listening to the hip-hop station.

On this particular day, that Ludacris was on the air. You know that song, "What's Your Fantasy?" The one where he and some random skank want like lick each other in non-sanitary areas and get really freaky in what I can only consider very uncomfortable places. I mean, really, on the 50-yard line when the Atlanta Falcons are playing? Bitches will get trampled!

Anyhoo, that song began to play when my mother exclaimed, "Ooh, I like this song!" and proceeds to turn up the volume.

*thud*

"What? What are you talking about? You can't like this song?"

"What?" she replied. "At least I know what they're talking about. Unlike your father."

(Side note: My father really likes that song 'Pony' by Ginuwine. He had no clue what it was about for years. Yeah, that's my family.)

"No, it's not," I cringed. "It's worse. You like a sex song. I'm dying. Is there blood coming out my ears?"

"Monica, please! How do you think you got here?"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear that."

She didn't say anything else. Just proceeded to dance her old lady car dance. I was too horrified to change the station. I think I died a little inside that day.