Funny Shit

So, my family and I are crazy close, like almost to the point of being psychotically enmeshed, but that's neither here nor there. The point is that we spend A LOT of time together. And when you spend so much time together, you sometimes forget that you're not hanging out with your friends. Especially myself. That being said, another thing that you need to know about me is that I LOVE to curse. I use fuck and shit and bitch and mother fucker and ass on a regular basis. Except when I'm at work...not good to curse around children under six. Now there are people that believe that cursing is the sign of a weak mind and to them I say 'Fuck you. I've got a whole fucking lot of education so you can kiss my ass bitches." (Like that? Yeah, I know you do.)

Anyhoo, the point I'm trying to make is that I have a really bad habit of cursing in front of my parents. Yeah. I know, but I can't help it. And twice in the past week I've cussed in front of people and they've looked at me and said, "I didn't know you cursed." To which I laughed hysterically and said, "My parents would disagree with you."

But, it's not like I learned this shit on the street. My parents used this exact same language in front of my sibs and I during all of our formative years. So, they only have themselves to blame. The sad part is that should I ever be blessed enough to actually have kids, I'll probably do the same thing. So if you see an adorable three-year old going through daycare laughing and saying, "This is some funny shit." That's my kid.

Later

Post Note: The other night my parents and I were hanging out (again!) and we were talking about what we'd do if we won Powerball. My Dad and I want to buy Harleys and my mom says to my dad, "If you get a trike, I'll be your biker bitch."
More funny shit!

So the question becomes...

...Is no sex better than bad sex? I mean really bad sex. The kind of sex you can only have with a virgin who's lived in Mongolia all his life and hasn't even had the occasional blow job or hand job in the back seat of his parent's car. I know most men's response to this, 'Bad sex is like bad pizza-there's no such thing.' But au contraire my penis-having friends. The same cannot be said for woman. For us, there is such a thing as bad sex and a remedy. It's called 'Faking an Orgasm just so he'll get the fuck off of me,' It's simple but effective.

So we know that there is bad sex but is bad sex worse than no sex? I mean yeah it's bad, but at least you're having it, right? And then there's all the accoutrement (look at me using those fancy college-like words) that go with having sex. I mean, you may be in a relationship with a really wonderful man whom you care for deeply despite his lack of sexual prowess or you may be doing it so that your light and heat don't get turned off. But whatever the reasons there are distinct advantages to having sex, regardless of quality.

And are we really so shallow as to base our relationships on sex? Do we really value sex so much that we would value it over simple things like companionship and heating our homes? Have we really become that jaded?

My answer: Give me my vibrator and shut the door on your way out.

Later