Sparkle Moments

It's hard being a genius. I mean, the pressure alone is enough to break lesser persons. You, the average reader, would be amazed at all of the positively brilliant things that I think everyday.

The problem is that I never remember them.

Seriously, out of the blue, I'll think of something funny and I'll want to blog it.

But as quickly as the idea comes to me, it leaves me.

Now, if I were a smarter person, I would carry a notebook to catch my sparkle moments as I just now thought about calling it. Well, the problem with that is that I would have to remember to carry it and then I would have to remember to write it.

Now, I said I was a genius, I didn't say that I was smart. Intelligent maybe, but smart, not always. Did you know that Einstein couldn't tie his shoes and Howard Hughes never bathed? That didn't stop him from getting laid on the regular, but then again he had money. Women and men have done a lot more for a lot less. It's no hardship having sex with a smelly person. C'mon, you know you've done it for free. You probably won't tell anybody, but it was probably the best screw you ever had. I tell you, I would so do Bill Gates, that troll looking dude simply for the fact that he's the friggin' richest man in the world. Does that make me a whore? Probably. However, I was already having issues around being a slut so we're just talking semantics, here.

But I digress. Which, of course is another one of the perils of being...

yes, a genius.

Ciao

Celebrity Obsession

Okay, I admit it. I'm obsessed with celebrities. Not in the I'm-going-to-stalk-you-until-you-realize-that-we-should-be-together-forever way. More in the I-think-it's-really-funny-when-bad-things-happen-to-famous-people. I think that we all are. Americans in general relish the misfortunes of others. It's what we do. Now do we do it because we're jealous? Probably. Do we do it because it's fun? Definitely! I have to say that when I hear that a celebrity is going into rehab or lost all their money to unscrupulous business managers, it puts a smile on my face. C'mon, you have to admit that you feel the same way.

Expect for death. I draw the line at death.

Unless it's a funny death. Like they died while on the toilet jacking off to kiddie porn. I'm sorry. I don't care who you are, that's just funny.

Except for the kiddie porn. That's sad.

And what is this thing with mashing celeb couples' names together. TomKat or Brangelina. That's just stupid and wrong. Do they have no other identity? Will they forever be entwined? And it's a recent phenomenon. Brad and Jen weren't called Braden or Jenad. It's a sad commentary on our country today.

I mean can you imagine going to a dinner party and introducing yourself as "Moniken." (Monica and Ken---get it?)

I seriously spend too much time thinking about this shit.

But like I said, it's an addiction. I can't help but lapping up gossip like a drunk man with his last bottle of rotgut.

Later