So, I'm in a bit of a funk. I'm not reading. I'm not writing. I'm not dating. I'm not doing much of anything at the moment. I'm a bit apathetic at the moment.
But oddly enough, I do care about the fact that I don't care.
Why?
I couldn't tell ya. Maybe it has something to do with the change of time or the phase of the moon or the fact that there's nothing happening in my life right now. I feel a bit stagnant and I have no idea how to create something exciting.
How do I know that I'm in a rut?
Here is a typical phone conversation with me.
You: Hey! How's it going?
Me: Good. And you?
You: Great. What's going on with you.
Me: Nothing much as usual. Just working...and working.
You: Are you dating anyone?
(strained silence)
Me: Not in the past like ten years.
(awkward silence)
You: Oh, well. I'm sure something will come along soon.
Me (defensively): What? Is that your way of saying that I need to get laid?
You (timidly): No, I'm just saying you're a great girl and I'm sure that something will come along soon.
Me: You saying that I'm a great girl is like saying I have a great personality. Why don't you just advertise that I'm a fat, lonely girl. Why don't we get one of those sandwhich boards that you see those idiots on corners wearing and parade me up and down the 16th Street Mall. The sign can say 'I'm a great girl with a good personality.' For a little bit of irony let's add 'And I'm not at all desperate. Here's my phone number 303-123-4567.'
You: Well, I've got to go.
Me: Fine. Leave me to wonder where my life is going. Leave me in a nihilistic hell. I'm only going through an existential crisis but don't let me disturb you life.
You: Lunch tomorrow?
Me: See you at 1.
You: Later.
Me: Later.
Well, most of that is true (y'all can guess which parts).
You know what is going through my mind? 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again each time expecting a different result.'
That's what contributing to my rut. I do the same thing every day. I talk to the same people. I visit the same websites. I watch the same shows.
I need change. I need excitement.
I need a life.
*SIGH*
The magic has gone.
And in other news, one person who's not on crisis? John Mayer. He's actually funny. Check it out.
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4 comments:
I'm with you!
Love your thoughts. Access your blog everyday as you leave much food for thought.
Here's a :-)
Chandra
Hi Chandra,
Thanks for the smile. And thanks for reading. I really enjoy writing this blog. I feel like if I at least write here, I've done something.
I meant to ask you, how are things in Switzerland (right)? Were you born there? How did you end up there?
Hi Creativityvacuum
I'm actually an island girl(Barbados), came to Switzerland when my (US) husband was transferred here. We divorced, he left, I decided to stay (was offered a very good job, besides my preference in men is met many times over here!) and haven't regretted it. Living here has helped me to realized how truly beautiful I am and given me an inner strength/peace I would (probably) never have achieved had I moved back to the US or my lovely island.
Chandra
PS: Thanks for asking
Maybe you and I are going through a phase or something because I'm bored with every book I pick up and I haven't read any of the ebooks I've recently purchased.
I have about 30 books sitting on my desk and 20 ebooks waiting to be acknowledged but I just can't bring myself to read them and I've stopped visiting several of my favorite boards.
Heck I had to play catch up with your blog,lol.
Great post!!
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